A man’s manhood is what defines him. It’s what makes man feel like a man.
When he can’t perform in bed, it makes him feel less like a man. From a very young age, boys have grown up dreaming of superb sex. And when they get married and start having sex, there’s a lot of pressure to be great in bed. Typically men want their wives to love them for their sexual prowess. And every time their wives tell them that they are the best in bed, it makes them proud and even produces some form of instance hard-on. For most men, making a wife to have orgasm is a huge relief. It’s like a test where men need to constantly prove themselves.
And at some point, a man may not really be ready for sex; maybe because of tiredness, or under lots of stress or ill-health. And anytime he has sex with poor erection, the failure or inability to perform well lingers on in his mind; this is not only scary but confusing. No matter what a man does, every time he gets naked, the thought of a weak or inactive penis comes back into his head. And that leads to performance anxiety.
This is a psychological issue that scares lots of men who haven’t been having wonderful sex even though they may be medically fit. Just because of few failed attempts, these men try anxiously to overcome another episode of loss of erection, but the harder they try to get a hard erection back, the worse they feel about themselves. This performance anxiety could be so overwhelming that during sex, such men even frequently take their penis in and out. But ironically, this leads to losing erection altogether. This is frightening, especially if it’s a regular occurrence.
When this happens, many men think the worse has come. But sometimes, losing an erection may just be in the head. When a man loses an erection a few times while having sex, but still manages to get a hard-on, he may not be suffering from any erectile issue. In all probability, it’s all in his head. When this happens, wives should try and find ways of getting their husbands’ mind to stop thinking negative. Wives can also help distract the man’s mind from his weak penis thoughts. This helps them to get back in no time.
While fear of many things can make a man lose an erection at times, over-excitement can have the same effect too. Wives, did you know that the very thought that you’re so sexy and more sexually experienced can drive your husband so crazy and chances are he may end up losing his erection while his heart starts racing when he’s looking at you in bed? It’s a tough world for men, especially when they have to live up to the glorious expectations of women in the world. When a man loses an erection in bed, there are just two emotions: he experiences anger and fear. He’s angry with everything around him because he couldn’t keep it up. And he’s afraid it may happen again. Especially when this happens frequently, he starts to fill his head with other thoughts. He’ll secretly wonder if he’s not sexually attracted to his wife anymore. He feels like a failure because, to him, he’s failed to please his wife sexually. It shatters him and depresses him. He knows his wife hasn’t had an orgasm, which secretly makes him feel even more like a failure.
He’s embarrassed. Losing an erection is like losing a game you’re very good at. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. And it’s even more so if it happens often.
He’s angry with himself. And he’ll stay angry for a long time, perhaps even days. When a man’s penis fails him, it’s something he can’t understand. He can’t justify any reasons for it and that makes him angrier. He then sometimes avoids sex. This is the most common route that most husbands take. He may want to avoid sex because he’s afraid of repeating his failures. Gaining back an erection is not only the work of the husband, the wife can help immensely. Sometimes, the behaviour of the wife in bed after the man goes flaccid midway can have a huge impact on him. So dear lady, reassure your man and make him feel that his weak erection didn’t really bother you. Don’t make a big deal about it or talk about it for a long time. Just tell him you’re completely fine with what happened and both of you can do it some other time. Talk about something else to take his mind off his losses and he’ll feel grateful to you. Prolong foreplay, having sex as soon as he gets erect may seem like the best option, but it’s not always the right thing to do. Instead, prolong the foreplay and let him just relax and enjoy his erection. Indulge in foreplay without giving any attention to his penis or ‘hard-ons.’ Let him play with your breast and clitoris for at least fifteen minutes before he penetrates you. It’ll help him last longer. It may be necessary if you can fake an orgasm and pretend like you just climax, it may give your man more confidence about his sexual prowess. Don’t do this too often though, or you may end up hating sex too! Talk about anything that can distract his thoughts from worrying about his weak penis. Lie down next to him and talk about his fantasies. It’ll almost always help him get a raging hard-on back again.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
I did not have the best of sex while growing up
I got married about seven years ago and the marriage is blessed with two lovely children who are six and two years old respectively. I fall in the category of men who did not have the ‘’best of time’’ sexually before marriage due to parental strictness and guidance (a blessing in disguise, you will say). Hence, I was looking forward to a sexually-enjoyable and explosive marriage. I met my wife a virgin and she never allowed me to have sexual intercourse during our courtship.
The first six months of our marriage was beautiful when it comes to sex, but after then, her interest dwindled. She did not initiate sex anymore and I became more of burden anytime I demanded sex at night. These days, I am lucky when I am able to have it once in a week; best case scenario is twice in a week. I have tried my best to make her happy by buying her gifts from time to time, but the effect does not last long. I bought a Honda car for her just for good sex, but nothing changed.
It is becoming so frustrating. I have tried on a couple of occasions to make her read your columns but she does not. She is not an avid reader. I am giving up the fight and I do not want to seek for pleasure outside my marriage, even though the temptations are always there.
Confused man.
l want to first appreciate the fact that you have done a great job by not taking irrational decisions. I would also want to add that you should try to create time out to actually pour your heart out to your wife the way you did to me now. I am so sure when she sees the importance, she will definitely change because no woman wants her marriage to fail. You can do this by going for a free, quiet weekend vacation together, keep the children with trusted friends and just go out alone together. This eradicates stress and helps both of you to unwind.
You should also remember that affection and foreplay mean a lot to ladies. If you skip foreplay, most of them feel as if they are being legally raped or put under the knife of a surgeon. Then make sure that the way and manner you address and talk to her is befitting a wife and not an elevated house girl.
I am losing him
Just this morning, my husband told me I always freeze up whenever he tries to be romantic. I just got married this year and I must say it has not been easy sexually for both of us. My husband is quite considerate and gentle but I am the problem. When he is away, I long for his touches and get wet all over just thinking about him, but when he is around, I just do not enjoy sex. I am losing him. Recently, I found out he is having an affair and I cannot complain because I know I am not satisfying him. Please help me out. I want to improve my sex life.
Worried wife
I must say you were a little bit careless about your relationship and you took a lot of things for granted. However, there is hope if you will try as hard as possible. First, you need to try to explain to your husband that your actions were not deliberate and that you were sorry for your actions and that you are ready to make amendments.
When it comes to frigidity, l always tell women that it is more of a matter of the mind than the body, so you have to make up your mind that you are not abnormal. What the mind can conceive the body can achieve. Then take time to tell yourself you will not only satisfy your husband sexually but you will make him beg for more. If you give your attention to these thoughts, your inner power will flow there and you will see that sex with your husband will be like living in paradise.
I am a widow and for four years now I have not had sex, will it affect me medically?
Michael- not at all
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